I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
