U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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