I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
