I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
