Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
