I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
