MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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