Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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