my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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