Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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