We named our party play list daddy issues
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
