i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
