I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
