Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
