I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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