Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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