If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i out mim tonsoeep
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