He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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