I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize