u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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