I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
