im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
