god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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