I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
