dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
