We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
