I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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