I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
