he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's blow job season.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
