I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
