I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
