We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize