My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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