I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize