I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
