I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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