I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
