oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
