what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
