In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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