I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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