Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
