is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
