Swine flu. Run for my life!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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