Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
