3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
