We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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