is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
