I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
