The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
