I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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