btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
