and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize