what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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