you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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