When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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