can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
