Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
