I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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