Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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