Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
