Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
third nipple confirmed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
