1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
