I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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