you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
