Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
