Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
