you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
