After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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