I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
