So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
