It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
