I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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