Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize