I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
