I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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