Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
