I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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