if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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