I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
