Where did you get a picture of my penis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
