dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
