Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
