WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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