this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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