I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
