Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
