Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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