i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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