my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
