You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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